D-d-don’t look in the box below. John Doe has the upper hand.

LOOK IN THE BOX BELOW

Lust – Valentines Day
It’s cold out, you’re lonely, so you buy a pack of Twizzlers, a 1/5 of some alcoholic swill, and rent a grotesque DVD that in the light of day, or in the company of friends you’d obviously steer clear of. Don’t put it in the DVD player, what? You got it on Blu-Ray? You sinful monster.
OR
You and your unwed partner have a really nice dinner, share a few glasses of a bargain-bin wine and some laughs and then make Jesus cry. NICE GOING.

Pride – The Fourth of July
America? FUCK YEAH! Best nation on the face of the universe am I right? Hell yes I’m right, now let’s blow up some shit, ’cause we’re the bomb. Hubris. Pure. Hubris. That’ll cost you.

Sloth – Labor Day
Because sitting at a desk all day is so exhausting you need another day off to sleep in, and then upon waking, move to the couch and catch up with all the things you really wanted to do. Watching golf. Nice.

Envy – Halloween
You’ve always wanted to be someone else. Now you’ve got one night a year to do it. But you spend all night looking at other people’s costumes, wishing you’d spend as much time/money as they did, ’cause they look really, really great.

Gluttony – Thanksgiving
Do I really need to explain this one?

Greed – Xmas
Going for two.

Wrath – New Years
Listen after a year like that, you probably hate a lot of people. But mostly yourself. That’s why you’ve created a ridiculous plan to fix all your most obvious flaws within six weeks. Why would you do that too yourself– oh, yes.
OR
Your name is Khan, and you’ve been having a real hard time.

Immediately after posting this, I did a Goog, and yup, someone already wrote this (which was a given since, if I could think of it, of course someone else could) their’s uses slightly different positioning of the days.  I think most of them work just as well as mine. The write up is certainly better (mostly).

“In People v. Lewis, 124 Cal. 551, 559, the facts were as follows. The defendant inflicted a gunshot wound on the deceased. This wound was mortal. The deceased, however, procured a knife and cut his throat, and thereby brought about his own death sooner than would have been the case if it had resulted from the original wound. The defendant was convicted of manslaughter, and the conviction was affirmed by the highest court of California.”

In my notes next to this paragraph, it reads: “HOLY.SHIT.”

Then I decided to tell you guys about it.

SMUGOPEDIA!

I’m going to get in on the ground floor and tell the people why Goosebumps’s totally the most underrated serial fiction of the twenty-first century thus far.  It’ll even let you pretend like you’re totally better than your friends, workmates and loved ones? HOTDAWG. Oh my stars and garters, this is way better than my idea for Kooksterpedia, the wiki for those kooky kids who love rainy-days and cookie-shots.

CLICK ON THE CUTE CAT FOR SUPER ZOOM.

See? AWESOME FUN. Kitten was a trooper while we trimmed her “tag” fur. Then we cut my hair. YEAH!

Sure glad it’s Friday.

Even the weather.

Awesome, right?

PS. I need a favor. I want to fancy up Law Wars, and if anyone has extra Star Wars/Law/Star Wars-Law related doodles lying around, I’d love to put them up on the site.  Cool beans.

If you’re interested, I placed a sample after the break.

Lucy v. Zehmer- (Supreme Court of Appeals of Virginia, 1954)

Lando Calrissian operated a classy restaurant on Corellia before he became the classy administrator of the classiest Cloud City on Bespin.  Han Solo, a friend of Lando’s who was severely lacking class and hoping to obtain some, came to Lando’s restaurant just before close one night and offered to buy Lando’s classiest vessel, the Millenium Falcon.  Han had discussed this matter with Lando many times before, and each time Lando had politely but sternly assured his “good buddy” that the Falcon simply was not for sale.

This night, Han brought with him a large box of “space wine” and the two began to drink and once again discuss the terms under which Han might buy the Falcon.  Han claimed that he could pay 50,000 Imperial Credits cash that he had just saved up from several smuggling jobs via the Kessel Run.  Lando said that for 50,000 he’d accept (believing his “good buddy” to be lying and wishing to call his bluff) and sell the Falcon to Han.  In an attempt to force Han to admit he didn’t have the credits, he even wrote out a contract of sale on the back of one of the restaurant’s receipt, and signed it.  Han then grabbed the receipt and offered Lando 5 credits down payment to seal the deal.  Lando declined, still thinking that Han didn’t have the credits.  Han then proceeded to get Chewbacca to help him get the rest of the funding together.

When Han came to Lando a week later with the “contract” and the 50,000 credits, Lando refused to convey the start up code to the Falcon, stating that he had been “joking” and that he had never intended to sell the Falcon, that it had all been a joke.  Han sued for specific performance, and the court granted, stating that it would have been impossible for Han or anyone else (who wasn’t a telepath) to know that Lando was joking from his outward appearance.  Lando claimed in court that he was very drunk from the space wine, but the court was not convinced, knowing full well that Lando was a man who could handle his liquors.

Exhibit A:

It really does.

So to remedy the problem I just had my first chiropractors visit.

Now, I’m not a rich kid, and the insurance isn’t gonna back me up on this one until I’ve spent $400 of my own cash (I’m not doing that).

As I’m already of a mixed mind regarding the validity of chiropractic practice in general, I’m kinda waiting with baited breath to see if all the bone crunching works and I get $50 smackers worth of value. It certainly made some glorious noises and released some pressure in my back, but I’m not sure I can put a price point on spine noises.

Please lord of the crunchy bones, fix my crappy rib.

Most of the groomsmen (myself included) were Sbots! (is that the accepted term?), and it was an amazingly good time.  I’m really grateful to the many people who made their way to FL to celebrate Patrick and Deedee’s momentous (and for me, a touch surreal) day.

Here’s a picture of the lovely Mr. and Mrs. Crumley (courtesy of Hannah Caster):

Pretty great.

WASTE YOUR TIME WITH THESE!

FML! TFLN!

(You probably already know about these, but I gotta get that Shambug off the front page!)

In short, the ruling legalized gay marriage in Iowa. Marriages will be able to proceed in three weeks.

That doesn’t mean that this is over and done with,  but as of right now it feels pretty great to be in Iowa.

More information can be found here and here!

1) Norsemen

A noun used to describe Vicodin.  When I scalped myself, I had a healthy collection of these little friends, my special helpers.  The Norsemen.  I’m sure you can suss this one out.  Vicodin sounds like viking.  Viking is a norseman.  Get it?  I’m so FUCKING CLEVER.

“Dude, did you take any of my Norsemen? YOU’RE A DEAD MAN!”

2) Gentle Sailors

This one was posted by my roommate Kris on Urbandictionary.com.  Basically it refers to testicles, but most typically small mamallian testicles:

“I told Sam I was shocked to see that Iggy the cat still had his gentle sailors. He informed me that they would be removed by the end of the month.”

3) The Sadie Hawkins Dance

I didn’t come up with this one, actually Sam said it once, and I’ve been questioning ma bro’s masculinity with it ever since!

“Hey, Hey, HEY.  Did you ask anyone to the Sadie Hawkins Dance?  Get it? ‘CAUSE YOU’RE A GIRL.”

IT IS SATURDAY NIGHT OH YEAH! HOORAY!

I get beaten a lot on this show.  It’s cool though.

Let’s take a trip back, long, long ago. Before Einstein, before the dinosaurs. Let’s go back to the night Shambot was born. . . Well here we are. It seems like only a few months ago, I was hanging out with Joel and he said to me “Tim, what should the name of the new website be?” Now I’d heard a lot of really good ones, some that were funny, some that sounded bad-ass as all hell, and some that were just plain rediculous. But, I was there at the time, not anyone else who had come up with those ideas, so I tolds him: “Joel-io, ma man. It can only be one thing. It’s got to be SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMBOT!”
He laughed, which was the intent. I had screamed “Shambot” before. Normally when my keen detecting sense sensed a hoodwink, some shenanagins, or perhaps, most aptly a SHAM. I some how know when underhanded buisness is a foot. And let me tell you, I’ll have none of it. Unless I’m doing it. Then it’s just fine. Just fine indeed.

But then came another question, one FAR more complex than the first. “.Org? .Net? .Com? .tv? .XXX?” Now we’re not a pornography site (not yet anyway, I’ve got big plans for 2k7, BIG PLANS!) so .XXX was out. So was .tv, despite the fact that we create compelling content every now and again (more this winter, I am excited!), but as the fact that we are all busy boys and girls, .tv would demand too much entertainment for us to satistfy the name.

In the end, it became simple. I liked the sound of Shambot.com, Joel liked the sound of Shambot.com, and adorable little Genecor, when asked about it responed “purrrypurrr, roll onto back rub my tummy”. I took it as a “go get ‘em!” So we did.

And that’s how Shambot! was born.

I’m very, very proud of our little baby.

Some have heard me talk of her before.  I have no idea what her name is, but for now I’ll call her “the mumbler” or M.

Now M and I have developed a silent history.  Neither of us know the other, or have ever spoken a sentence in one another’s direction, but I have been collecting information about her via observation during class (and class exclusively, I’m not a stalker of creepy people).

Here is a collection of hyper brief vignettes about M:

M watches youtube clips of Animaniacs during class wide discussions of serious films (Like Fritz Lang’s The Weary Death).  She laughs at them.  She’s not listening, simply watching the flickering images on her laptop.  She appears to specifically like Brain from “Pinky and the Brain”. ALOT.  Also wikipedia articles on fan fiction.  Super cool!

During screenings of silent Weimar German films (that’s what the course is on), M becomes very bored about 3.7 minutes into the films and begins reading from her collection of books.  Highlights have included “Texas’ Scariest Ghost Stories”, some healthy amounts of manga (I’ve no idea what kind).  She does this by cell phone light.  I have determined that often she isn’t actually reading, just looking at certain parts of the page in no linear order.  She also is an avid doodler.  Of what, I can’t tell you, but she’s looking at her manga for reference, so I’ll assume it’s something related. 

M mumbles.  ALOT.  Almost any response to a question prompted by the professor is nearly unrecognizable 2.5 rows away.  She sits in the front, by the way.  Same seat. Every day.  Most comments (when I do understand them) are borderline non-sensical.  When discussing why a villain in a film (Dr. Mabuse for anyone interested) was fascinating she stated: “He looks like an owl.”  Awesome.

Today, when we ran out of time, the professor uttered “Goddamnit” frustrated that we had once again ran out of time to talk about something he had wished to discuss earlier in the week, a lengthy essay by Thomas Mann.  After class, I saw M approach the professor, and overheard her demanding an apology.  He did so, and I was left puzzled as to how he had so offended her.  Later it came to me in a flash.  Simply the words “God” and “Damnit” in the same sentence had set her off.  Did I mention she was blood red, with tears streaming down her face? No? Well.  Shame on me.

Now, I’m going to caveat this whole thing by saying I’m of the opinion that she likely has a developmental disorder of some kind or another.  That said, I’m fascinated.  It’s almost surreal at times.  I don’t know what’ll come next.  My guess? She publishes a hit minicomic about the Warner Kids as ghosts, with really oversized eyes and Dot being hyper sexualized.  Who knows.

I don’t even know what to say.

Credit to PWWTKT.COM!