There is SOMETHING living in the walls of 730 Jefferson, home of most of the Iowan Contingency of the Shambot! Grand Council.

We don’t know a lot about the intruders yet. We know they squeak (a lot). They make scritching noises as they move about within the walls, and they’ve been reported heard in backdoor entryway, my room, Sam’s Room, the attic or whatever is above Sam/Kris/My room.

Early reports suspected rodent activity.  Little did we know it was worse than that.  After fresh intel came in, the likely suspects, are, yes, you guessed it: FLYING RODENTS.  Bats.  And not the fun, crime solving, vigilante kinds.

We’d had a few bat-infiltrations before, y’know, you open up the back door to go and get something from your car, and they fly in and attempt to give you rabies. MEAN FURRY NIGHT DEVILS WITH RED EYES AND RAZOR FANGS. Guys like this:

Gross.

Thinking back on it, I suppose we should have seen this invasion coming. Yeah, we probably should have. See, I was playing a delightful game of Lumines several months ago, when Kris called me over to see something he deemed, HORRIFYING. Entering into the stairway to our creepy-ass-basement, we saw a small brown bat, much like the one on the image. Sitting on a baseboard to the upper steps, lookin’ all icky and such. Now, I’m a supporter of animal rights and well being, but instantly the thought arose “How do I kill this thing in one-less hits?”. I’m not a bad man, I swear. But that little demon-spawn of satan knew EXACTLY what I was thinking, and began to scurry. Now I’m thinking “Where are you going you lil’ monster?”, but that’s when he made a fool of me. He went straight into the wall. INTO IT. Kris and I looked at each other, and looked at the hole it scurried into. So we did the only logical thing one would do. We blocked it up. I mean. That’s a sound idea right?

Right?

So now, it sounds as though we’ve created a total infestation, in which they could be ANYWHERE in the house, just waiting to burst forth from the aging plaster and give me HYPER-RABIES-BABIES.

Terror. Sheer terror. And potentially, my lack of courage to reach into a hole in the wall potentially filled to the brim with foamed-mouth, bloodthirsty monsters and strangle a few of them is to blame. Oh the shame of my cowardly cowardly nature.