I get bored at work. Alot. I mean alot of alot. Sometimes, that boredom takes me to one of my most favorite places to was time, the trusty, dusty ol’ Facebook. However, sometimes, I read things that I didn’t mean to, or really, really regret reading. This of both the former and the latter, but as boredom sometimes does, I have not only read it, I have decided to critique it, for the betterment of all mankind. Please, join me, as I go through another tritely written Facebook note.

First, a section removed ever so delicately from a year-summarizing-post about the illustrious 2k6:

” And as far as relationships, I actually hooked up with a few. Two of them wern’t all that grand. Those were mostly making out. The last one…well, I dunno how that would have turned out, cause she was snached away from me. I do know this though: she does miss me. Thats gotta count for something.”

And now, for the proverbial reaming: Why did you write this? Actually, let me rephrase, why did you post this? The writing part I get. We all keep a journal of some sort, be it mental, hand written, or in many cases the new “hotness” of the meganet “Buh-logging” or some sort of gibberish or another. I’ve certainly never used them.

In anycase, individual, as for the sake of being nice, I will not disclose your name, but why? AT BEST, if you meant this to be public, it should have read like this: “As far as relationships go, the year was kind of hit or miss.” That’s it. That’s your entry. The minute you wrote “I actually hooked up with a few. Two of them wern’t all that grand. Those were mostly making out.”, I almost wanted to find out where you were, and slap you. Not hard, mind you, but a gentle reminder that I didn’t want to know that. I didn’t mean to read it, but in the course of running my eyes across words (as reading inherently requires) I did, and only because you put it there. Damn you.

The last bit to me seems, what is the word? Self-absorbed. Of course any post about 2k6 and reflecting on one’s life is again necessarily self-obsessed, and sometimes that’s a good thing. However your perspective on this is a bit tilted non? First, you claim that she was “stolen” away from you. I speak from experience when I say that NO ONE is stolen from anyone. Unless it’s by an untimely death, and then you have issues to take up with God. He is a jerk, after all. In any scenario, it takes two to tango, and she is just as much to blame as the person who stole her. Or perhaps you are? I don’t know enough about the situation, given how vague yet strong the word “stole” is in this case. OH, and taking solace in the fact that she “misses” you again repeats the fact that you are solely focussed upon yourself (as we’ve no evidence to the contrary). Pick up, move on, and improve your life.

What scares me most is that this could almost be read as some sort of passive-aggressive move on your part. You put this out in the open, where EVERYONE and their mother good find it, and yet it contains what I feel should most likely be private thoughts, as some of them are left a bit to interpretation and leave many sides of the story understated. That’s a bad move, if it was the case, and if it wasn’t, I still really, really think that you shouldn’t have posted it.

AND SPEAKING of passive-aggressive behavior, please note, that I would totally not have written this, had you (if you infact ever see this) posted this on the Facebook. I mean you no ill will, and if I was not a coward, I would have e-mailed you a link to this. As I am a cowardly individual, I will instead chide you behind your figurative back, and pray that you never, ever find out about this light hearted critique, a proverbial romp through the land of language, if you will. Tataaa!