But that I happened to like. Not in a condescending ironic way, and not in a guilty pleasure way. I think all these films are legitimately good, if still somewhat flawed.
1. Hellboy-
Why you probably hate it: They turned one of the greatest comics of all time into a cheesy action movie.
My Response: There is a certain structure that hollywood action movies have to adhere to. This usually makes for some pretty terrible films, however, sometimes it makes for interesting results. By forcing the material of the hellboy comics to fit this structure, Guillermo Del Toro created a really imaginative action movie, that rates along with the spiderman, x-men and batman movies as one of the greatest superhero movies there is. It’s kind of like forcing a free verse poet to write a sonnet, it’s limiting in some ways, but it forces the artist to have ideas they might not have otherwise. An example is how Hellboy’s character was given a richer, more detailed social life. Something beyond bitching about how he doesn’t want to cause the apocalypse.
2. Underworld-
Why you probably hate it: “It’s a mindless matrix rip-off were vampires fight werewolves, LAME!”
My response: I have gotten an unbelievable amount of shit for liking this movie. Especially from my uppity, todd solondz watching film-major girlfriend. Yes, vampires fight werewolves in this movie. No, that does not make it some sort flintstones meets the jetsons, alien versus predator affair, where two failing franchises are stuck together in one last attempt to make money off of them. It’s more like when Alan Moore has Mr. Hyde fight the aliens from War of the Worlds, or when Tolkien has goblins fight dwarves. Underworld creates it’s own rich fantasy world, that borrows mythical creatures from past works, and juxtaposes them in an elegant and enlightening way. Honestly, if vampires and werewolves did exist together they probably would be enemies. Underworld shows this by making the Vampires into a board of emotionless, shadowy, aristocratic figures, who rule in secret and hunt the werewolves mercilessly. Werewolves are the opposite, they are a bunch of crazed homeless animals who are barely trying to survive. Underworld creates a great history explaining the cause of this conflict, and also gives us detailed information that explains what each characters stake in it is.
3. Apocalypto-
Why you probably hate it:”Directed by Mel Gibson”
My Response: Yup, he’s crazy, alchoholic and anti-semitic. But this movie isn’t! Honestly, I have no idea why Gibson wanted to make this movie. It is basically just an awesome action movie set in an amazingly cool setting (ancient mayan society) that is recreated really accurately. Honestly, it’s actually kind of anti-religion, because it shows how fucked up mayan religious beliefs could be, and how gullible people are.
4. The Devil’s Rejects-
Why you probably hate it: Rob Zombie is a hack, and this movie is just an excuse for 2 hours worth of sadism.
My Response: Love it or hate it, “torture porn” is the future of horror. By the way, torture porn is a label I am not sure if I like or not. I think it is accurate in some ways, because both porn and gory movies seek to show that which has been deemed unshowable by most authority figures. However, it suggests that the viewer takes some sort of sexualized pleasure in watching the torture. I, however, have always felt like the gruesome intensity of these movies is something that must be endured, rather than labored over. Horror would not exist if it couldn’t show us horrific, gruesome things. Torture, just like Frankenstein or Freddy Krueger, is something so disturbing that even looking upon it repulses us so much that we are exhilarated by it. The Devil’s Rejects is a carnival of repulsion. But the most amazing thing about it is that it makes us identify and root for a trio of reprehensible sociopaths. The main characters are bad guys, without a doubt, but they are so sickeningly charismatic that we want them to win out in the end. This makes the film a perfect example of how seductive evil can be, and how people like Hitler or Charles Manson can gain so many followers.
5. Mystery Men-
Why you probably hate it-“Oh yeah, I forgot that Ben Stiller once did a shitty superhero movie instead of a shitty romantic comedy.”
My Response- Some of the best movies and tv shows about superheros are the ones that make fun of superheros. I mean, c’mon, even if you love superheros you have to admit they are a fairly ridiculous concept. I count Mystery Men, along with The Tick and Venture Bros as the greatest examples of this genre. This is because the movie has an AMAZING cast, and a really clever script in addition to looking just plain looking cool. Some of the best jokes in this movie are just the description of each characters power. For example: The Shoveler- He has the power to shovel very well. Mr. Furious- His power is to get really angry. Also, I will just point out that Tom Waits is in this movie, and Tom Waits would never be in a bad movie.
