dos pos(t)
Sorry to double post, but I’m just now realizing that I’d better get my ass in gear on the production of my latest movie opus. To start, I’m posting the script here in hopes of getting some good feedback before I finalize anything. I got some good feedback from class, but not the best. That’s where you guys come in! The only thing I’m sure of changing is the second montage of Robot living homeless on the streets. Also, I’m thinking that Robot’s new place is actually across the hall from Dave, and they keep missing each other Science of Sleep style. Also, the beginning argument needs work. A lot of work. Right now, it’s really one sided, and I’d really like for it to be a lot more back and forth between Robot and Dave to justify Dave’s anger a little more. Tim? Sam? If you have time, that is, could you re-write it for me?
Anyway, here’s the actual script:
Let me know what you think!
Tim wrote:
Ben, I’m speaking for Sam on this, but we’ll take a look, hit you back with some updates. How soon do you needs it?
Posted on 01-Oct-07 at 2:40 pm | Permalink
Ben wrote:
take your time. I’m not shooting until november.
Posted on 01-Oct-07 at 4:58 pm | Permalink
pat wrote:
Here’s my idea! Use the Comic book discussions as a recurrent theme and as a bookend to your movie.
First off I think it’s weird because Dave seems totally annoyed with the comic book debate at the beginning but then gives that as a reason for the robot to come back saying he liked them. I think you need to establish that Dave enjoys these conversations while they are happening rather than have him say later that he enjoyed the comic arguments. Especially when the only argument you show Dave clearly is annoyed! So here’s my idea to fix it. Clearly you can do something else, but I really feel you should address this problem. Here’s why I propose: Robot is working on a thesis for a talk he’s giving about the similarity of Batman and Daredevil at the next big ComicCon! Here’s how it would change things!
The movie could start with them in the car (or even in the grocery store?) having a good time talking about comics. Then they get home Dave says something like let’s do our chores. Then there is a montage of Dave doing a bunch of different chores while robot is just standing there discussing comics. Eventually Dave gets upset and tells him that when he said let’s do the chores he didn’t mean let’s watch me do the chores. Then Robot says that he has just got a lot of new ideas on his talk and needs to process them but he just goes and reads comics or types up his talk(the idea of a robot typing on a typewriter seems really funny to me right now).
THEN later during the sad montage you should have Dave going into a comic book store and walking out with a Batman Book or perhaps another DC title. And when robot is on the street his talk paper gets destroyed somehow, or he destroys it himself. Then we they get back together Dave should add some mind blowing wisdom into the daredevil/batman debate, that gets robot really excited, and they walk off discussing comics again.
Like I said, obviously you wouldn’t have to use these particular things but I think it would help the screenplay to flow more and tie it all together! Also, I really like the idea of Robot living next door, and I am really excited to see this made/the revisions you do to it!
Posted on 02-Oct-07 at 1:36 pm | Permalink
pat wrote:
P.S. I think that Batman and Daredevil differ a lot in terms of the gadgetry they use, that is Daredevil doesn’t use any fancy gadgets/planes/car. Also Matt Murdock isn’t a party boy like bruce wayne.
Posted on 02-Oct-07 at 1:46 pm | Permalink
Angie wrote:
dave WUVS robot… daw…
As for pat’s suggestion – I don’t think Dave really needs to actively participate in the argument (or, more than he does now), but establishing that this is a common type of conversation, ie – flippant response or sarcastic? Rather than just annoyed. I think Pat has a good point that its a little confusing that Dave would miss the discussions if he was annoyed by them.
Also – when Dave first learns that Robot is working the coffee shop, he ends that he only came in because he wanted to invite Robot home, but, the scene seemed to establish that Dave didn’t know Robot was working there…. so I would tweak that last line of dialog.
umm… can’t think of anything else… I really enjoyed it! I can totally see it playing out in a really comical/genuine way, knowing your work….
Posted on 03-Oct-07 at 9:52 am | Permalink