Well, hey there Shamby. This post is brought to you by the letter C, for Carrie Hartman.
And also the letter A, for AWESOME.
Without further ado, here is Holst: The Planets, transcribed direct from the manuscript generated by Miss Emma Trithart, Mr. William Ferenc, and Miss Katharine Wilson. During class hours. That we paid for.
“The mothership is approaching!”
“Assemble the troops! Come on, everybody (you ALLLLLL everybody!)”
The first wave of the star fleet was sent but KABOOM! they are wiped out in a barrage of flaming missiles and stuff.
Is all lost? The other pilots are unsure of what to do…
Everyone is looking around, what will happen?
Pieces of the ships float by the admiral’s ship.
All is quiet and calm now. Suddenly, a space nymph appears! She dances around the admiral. Her hair is really long, and she is scantily clad. With flowers. She caresses the stars, healing them, bringing them new life. She fades back into space. The admiral looks forlorn, yet he understand what he must do. HER.
Flying back to his base, he passes a space flower. (cue montage of what just happened, except fuzzy, with sparkles)
Memories of childhood, his father teaching him to fly a spaceship, him and his spacedog flying past galaxies. Calm. Quiet.
Back at home, an unknown ship flies over his house. It lands. Exit an elderly woman with long gray hair. The Admiral, still a child in his memory, runs to see the commotion gathered around the ship. IT’S GRANDMA!! She has cookies and pie! YES!!! She tells the admiral what he must do. The future that lies ahead, the war, the turmoil. She gives him a birthday card with a ten dollar bill inside to fund his collage career. Later the pilot opens a space account.
In the future… the pilot is in collage taking his final flying exam. “WOAH THERE.” He barely misses a comet. He passed his exam! Jollies! They’re out for drinks. Mojitos!
THEN its the graduation ceremony. The graduating class stands before the flying school dean with their Star Fleet outfits on. HATS ARE THROWN! and then… who is this??
A NYMPH APPEARS. From beauty school! She is lovely and manicured. She takes the pilot away .. to the garden (?) There are horses. She looks like LADY GODIVA. and they blow kisses, sparkles fly from horse’s butt. Something curious is happening. Maybe this is all a hallucination? NO. Married. Rings. Babies! A family, a house! Another spacedog! They’re out for a walk in the space park. Swimming. Climbing a beautiful (?) space mountain.
He’s the young admiral now of the Star Fleet. Things are quiet, too quiet. Maybe his age is playing tricks on him, space looks darker, blacker than it used to. “Admiral” The young recruit is on the intercom. “Permission to EXPLORE” “Permission granted but BE CAREFUL. I’ve got a bad feeling.” The young recruit, Joel, flies to the unexplored giant meteor, leaving the admiral with uneasy feeling. Stars. A comet flies by. On the surface of the meteor, a mysterious silhouette follows Joel. A shadow reaches for the young pilot. Slowly.. slowly… and then the recruit is no more. His beacon disappears form the admirals radar?!?!!!! “What happened” -Admiral. He eases his ship towards the meteor. Stars. Another comet. Searching the meteor. Searching. Then, a small glint of light. The admiral finds Joel’s medal of joining….. fade to black.
The shadow returns! The admiral chases the shadow across the meteor’s surface. Leaping over craters and chasms. Where did it go?! This is a sick and twisted game. SUDDENLY…
the monster attacks, the admiral shoots to kill. The monster points to a cave, then closes its eyes and passes. The admiral explores the cave, gooey things are everywhere. WHATS THIS: a tiny monster?! Grab it!! The admiral lunges and catches the baby and escapes the meteor just in time. The meteor explodes behind them silently (it’s space). Back on base, the crew discovers the monster!! “Do we kill it?” one asks.
“No, it is just a babe.”
“But its kind killed our recruit! He was just a babe himself.”
“We dare not stoop to their level.” The crew nods solemnly in agreement.
A message is being sent through space from a foreign planet. It glides in its container through galaxies. Years pass.
You’ve got mail–the admiral eagerly opens his space mail. His eyes scan the words, quickly at first, but slow upon reading the final word…WAR.
Love, The Bad Guys.
The tiny creature they kept all along it seems does not belong to them. He is the sovereign prince of X’Tshiszt. The admiral finds the child, his tentacles glistening and fangs gleaming.
“What have you brought upon us?”–the admiral.
“Bludsjsgdkaf jafhka”–the creature.
The amiral feels hatred, but the creature has become a part of him, almost a son. The nymph calls the admiral.
“What do you want for dinner?”
“I’m….not hungry.”
The admiral is getting damage reports. Alarms sound.
“We’re reporting massive core flooding and engine failure.”
“The back-up capacitors?”
“40% capacity.”
“We were not meant to survive this.”
“What about the creature child?”
“Put him in an escape pod.”–admiral
“But there’s only one left!!”
“There’s no chance for us–he deserves this one courtesy.”
The creature is released into space never knowing the fate of his temporary caregivers.

Comments (1) left to “PLANETS”

  1. Alex wrote:

    This is how 2001: A Space Odyssey would have ended up had Arthur C. Clarke not kept an eye on Kubrick.

    Also: Props for Holst. I love to listen to the first piece of “The Planets” when I’m getting ready for class.